My hand turned me down
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So many bounce houses so little time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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