I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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