Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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