He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
