I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she smelled like a LAN party
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
