I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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