I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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