flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
