I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
