awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
