I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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