Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
