you have to choose: penises or morals?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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