there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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