wrigley field is MILF paradise
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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