Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
