you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
