Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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