you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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