I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
