would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
