What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
