i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
