You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
