I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
