yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
