I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
