mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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