i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
