who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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