I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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