As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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