He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
