oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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