wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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