I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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