just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
