If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
