His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
