I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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