The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
