i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
