Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
