Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
