Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
