I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
