How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
