Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
