Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
