i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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