Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
