We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
