It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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