cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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