Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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