Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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