Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
