Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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