If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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